Wednesday, March 27, 2002
.. wen i first woke up.. i was hoping dat everything was jus a dream.. everything dat happened yesterday.. is so unbelievable.. i never thought it'll happen in my family.. not like this.. not to even anyone i knoe.. it was like a nightmare dat was never gonna end.. how can they die like dat.. its jus so sad.. and messed up of how it happen.. the good ones always have to go.. dat aint fuken rite man.. it went around so quick.. it was like on every news channel dat day.. n everyone knew about it... how it happen.. its jus a disgrace to the family.. why did she have to do.. she didnt needa die.. everyone loved her.. like my cousin said... his analogy.. never have and feed a tiger in the house ..something like dat.. wen i was talkin to him yesterday.. he said the deepest things.. things dat gets u thinking.. man.. murder suicide.. wtf is dattt.. omg.. in my family?!? .. damn fuk.. i always thought my whole family was perfect.. we have little problems....but wat family doesnt.... its was dat kind of perfect.. but this.. the thing dat happened yesterday.. was very rare.. only a broken down family would have this happening to them...damn man..its like.. everything is against me.. jus like last week..a cousin of mines..whos my age..came down to visit from shot hes dead.. he was chillen with my uncle.. n my uncle left like an hour before he got shot.. n how are they fuken cops gonna say he shot up his own is dat.. now my uncle is still in jail..tryin to get the money to get a lawyer.. n wats fuked..i mean..he turned his life around..he doesnt live the thug life no more.. he has a girl.has his own big house.. n bought himself a new he gotta sale his get the money..and his side of the family..are like in stress.. (my dads side) and look wat happened yesterday.. to my moms side of the family..damn...fuken stressed out.. i had the biggest headache yesterday.. i cried so much.. dat i couldnt even cry no more.. i have so much more to say.. but.. i gotta get ready to go over to my cousins..where there will be also a bunch of our other family there..

.. i found this in my old old other blogspot things.. so ima put it up. dont wanna waste it.. cuz i typed alot.. Tuesday, December 18, 2001

yeah...... im gettin kinda bored.. n jus wanna write this cuz i dont have nothin else better to do..but yea... i been up to hella lately..weeks been goin by hella last saturday.. on the 15th of December. like around 11 something a.m .. we was gonna go out that yeah..susan came over to my house to get ready..and we went to meries finish up..but yeah..we was chillin there for like an hour...then.. we called up lyndsey and rhoza..and yeah.. rhozas boyfriend louie came and picked us up..and we went to pick up lyndsey and then rhoza...hahah yeah.. fuken.. all sqooshed up in the car.. a little honda hatchback or watever you call it..but yea... it was koo tho... first thing..we went to the kill time..before it was our appointment at pf studios to take yeah..we stayed there for like an hour...we spottted..patrick and dayday.. tellin patrick to go bowling wit us later dat nite..but lakana was outta he didnt wanna go without yeah..heheh yeah..we went around..checkin out things...i wanted to get my chucks dat yeah..we ran out of we went to PF studios..hella heads up in there...i guess it was bc's formal dat day too so yeah...we was all goofin off..wen takin pics.. hahah we was hella rollin dat day..but was fun.. i love being with E.M.R.L... no matter wat..we always havin fun..but yea..after pics....damn i dont even remember..but i jus remember hittin up the mall hella times dat day....hehehe..but we went to jack in the box to eat.. and spotted some familiar lookin faces..and after that..we went to pick up the pictures..didnt turn out dat i didnt make any prints..after dat..we went to pacific bowl... it was kinda dead out of 15 peepz or one showed up..and we thought we was late...cuz we got there hella late..n thought peepz be waiting..but noooo..oh yeah..wen we went to the mall earlier dat day.. i was suppose to see cas..but i told him to page if he ever gets there..cuz he came down yeah..but ...noo..i guess he wasnt there...well but anywas...we got to pacific bowl..and yeah like i was dead n shit.. hella teenie bopperz.....and lyndsey spotted a flip/korean guy name ronald..who jaime is talkin to..and we asked him if he knows if jaime was coming..cuz yea..she was suppose to show up too..he says he doesnt now..but yeh..rhoza and louie wanted to chill there fer i went and made a phone call to cas..talked to him for like the whole 15 minutes i had..on the payphone..he was all telling me..dat he did show up at the mall..mayn..and i didnt even see him..but awwww..he snuck out his parents car..jus to go to the mall..and i guess i wasnt even there..i probably was..but it was his bad..he didnt page us..lil punk..forgot the pager number at home..but yeah....there'll be other yup..we left... and went back to the mall..cuz i wanted to get my shoes..and yeah i got em...we also seen loony ..ranny and them uhuh...then we went to sherwood...and seen thuy,mai and trang there...they were also suppose to go bowlin wit us..but yeah.. n e ways..they were kickin it with us for awhile at the mall....and we were gettin the munchies..n ate.. while rhoza and louie stayed in the car..doin something something..hheheh jp..noooo..not like dat..but yea n e ways.... there was like 8 of us..and i happened to have my digi cam with we took ssome pics..and yeah..we made some new friends..some guyz who looked kinda pinoy and black..but yea..they wanted to get in the pic wit it was kool...and we were chillin outside with them..while this one other dude was bustin flows..heheh he was hella tyte.....but yea koool.....later on..we the movies..we wanted to see.. not another teen movie..but then was rated r..needed someone 21 or over..but louie was only 18..n yea..we coulda got in..but the manager was i guess were just gonna go see it this friday then...we just left to jobars party..haha kerazie party..nothing but black folkz..hhaha we were the only azns..but it was kool tho..haha they treated us hella special..hehehe..once we walked in..smellin like weed n shiz..but yea.. we walked n....jovon spotted me hella quick..n asked wat i was doin here..i was over here wit some of my girlz..but yea..some guyz asked us to dance..n so yea we was jus groovin...they were all like..oh damn.i didnt knoe some asian folks were up in here....and yea so on...some other things lazy to type out..but .. yea..i walked outside to get some fresh air..and i was walkin back in side..i was like..let me hold on to you..i cant see !! i cant see!..all dark n shiz..hehehehhehe .. i knoe huh..hella messed up.but yeah..i mean..nothing but black was hella dark up in there....n some guy..was all huggin up on like wtf....and merie was like..watchu doin to my girl..and he was like.. i jus wanna hugg her..n merie got him to go away..haha n yea...then later on..the partie got stopped by the police..cuz of curfew or then.. was like 12 midnight already...and .. i didnt wanna go home.but i had too..cuz cas was gonna call..and i didnt want my mom to pick yeah..i told louie to drop me off...and they went to lathrop to kick it under the stars..haha aww..they ended up coming home till like.. 2... but yea.. dat was all dat had happen dat day...and hella other things..but i dont wanna get into the lazy to type it all out..but yeah..i was out of the house since 11 am to 12 pm...and today.. me ..merie and rhoza went to the library real quick so rhoza can finish her thing..n louie picked us up..and it was pretty dark outside..hahah i was...standing on the yellow the middle of the street..goofin around i guess..and some azn dudes pulled over..n was were u goin..haha they're hella gay..tryin to get a conversation goin .. in the middle of the like wtf..hahah..they were all like..o u jus finish doin ur work or watever..oh girl let me holla..i was jus laughin..cuz it was funnie how i was jus standin there in the middle of the street..cuzrhoza n shz..was like..hahahlisa ur hella stupid.but ne ways yea... i was jus like yea wtever wen them guys were talking..and they left..we got in the car..with louie..and went to eat at mcdonalds..and yea went yup....and earlier at skool.. me and lyndsey n stuff were talkin about what we should do for new years..i hella wanna go to that rave on new years at hella peepz i know are goin..but the tickets are like 47 dollars.. and im kinda broke cuz of christmas n yea..wel this is yea.....hahah whoa.. i didnt know i typed a whole page haah kooolll

Thursday, January 24, 2002
.. okaeeeeeeeeeeee.. jus came back from merie'z house.. n yea...... i guess i got a date.. sokha keepz on mentionin gary'z name wenever he asks if i neeed a date.. n im like.. i dont knoe.. n merie.. told me i should go with yeah.. i guess gary is my date..... aite.. i needa think of wat to wear now.. ummm.. i ono.. ill knoe once we hit up the mall.....

.. i guess me and cas are jus friends now.. we talked about everything last nite.. he finally made his descision.. i mean.. i knew it.. i knew he was like.. jus wanting to be frenz.. cuz.. if he did still wanted to talk to me.. it wouldve been easy to say yea.. im still talkin to u.. uggggh.. but i dont knoe..... hiz wordz are jus confusing me.. but i aint tryin to think about it.. i was like... " are we still talking? cuz how u said.. it was like i was like a sister to u and were still talking.. dat doesnt sound rite" then he was like... "well .. u keep changing.. rite now.. im like.. comin back to u" it took him awhile.. n he was like.. i dont wanna hurt u..and this and dat.. i was like.. well.. u need to make up ur mind.. cuz if were still talking.. i only wanna talk to u.. but if were not.. i guess.. ima jus move on.. and he was all like.." man.. i dont wanna lose you.. and i dont want you to move on" im like.. u dont want me to move on?!? .. i mean.. like wat is he tryin to say.. dat he doesnt want me to talk to other guyz.. n wait for him.. i mean.. i knoe dat was wat he was sayin ya knoe.. but dat aint gonna work.. but yea.. he was all like.. " i dont wanna lose wat we have rite now.. cuz if were together .. it might change things...." i said.. well.. i dont think it'll change.. i think things well jus get better.. den he was like" wat if we break up.. n stuff like dat".. .. so den.. he finally answers.. n said its best if we were still frenz.. im like.. arite.. .. i was hurt i guess.. .i mean.. we've been talkin for like.. 3 monthz.. n he jus decides to be my friend.. wtf is dat...i mean.. i told him before.. dat i liked him.. not as a friend..but more den a friend.. n he was like.. he felt the same.. so yea.. i dont knoe.. dats him i guess.. well.. im like... in a weird position.. i dont knoe.. i guess im trippin.. ima jus try to let it go.... he says he'll always be there for me still.. and yea.. true.. he still is.. i dont knoe.. there are hella things we talk about.. n i guess.. were jus gonna end up being very close friends.. .which is weird.. cuz i dont need another best friend.. well.. i dont we still talk to one another n all dat.. hes still like a yea.. hes a bf.. dats not really bf...maybe i jus gotta wait awhile.. wat was weird.. was.. i thought i would be hella bawlin... if he ever told me dat we werent talking no more.. but once he told me.. i wasnt.. ommggg.. dude.. i jus dont knoe......we went thru hella ..wen we were jus talkilng.. n now.. were jus friends.. ..he called me earlier today.. rite after i had some drama happenin between me and my momz.. n.. yea.. he comforted me.. so.. im calm now.... but after we got off the one.. i realized.. something.. i wanted to tell him..dat i wanted to not talk to him for a few dayz.. cuz i wanted to kool off..cuz talkilng to him.. hurtz me.. knowing dat were only frenz now.. .. but im gettin second thoughtz.. i dont knoe.. ima jus go with the flow i guess.....i knoe i knoe... get over him already.. i am.. i aint stressin over him or anything.. were jus frenz now i guess.. so yea.....well today at skooool.. everyone has a date to the morp except me.. n yea.. dats gay.. i dont knoe.. i guess im hella laggin.. on the morp.. but yea... everyone was like.. tryin to get me a date without me knowin.. n merie wanted me to go with this white guy.. dat was a close homie or rubenz.. but den.. trang doesnt want me to go with him cuz.. of some shit dat happened in the past.. so i dont knoe man.. .. n watelse.. on saturday..we're all plannin to go to this place audition or try out for some modeling thing.. hahah dude.. funnnnieee.. but i dont knoe..were gonna do it for the fun of it.. if we get it..we get it..if we dont..itz all g.. but yea.. worth a try.... jamie was all talkin about it.. so .. yea.. well .. diz is it.......

Tuesday, January 22, 2002
yay!!.. today went kinda perfect.. it went by hella quick today for some reason.. but yea... all classes was kool.. dude.. i had the gigglez today.. couldnt stop laughin.. n crackin jokez.. but yea... i was in a happy mood today.. i talked everything out with emrl..... kinda weird. but long story.. .. i feel as if.. everyone is like.. hella overprotective of me.. even my own friends.. dude.. i dont knoe.. ....and yea.. i was talkin to cas last nite.......confuzing conversation.....he says were still talking.. but then.. he cant really picture us together.. n im like.. then if u cant even really picture us together.. why are we still talking.. then hes all like.... cuz i still kinda like you.... omg.. i jus dont knoe.. den he goes.. n say.. dat.. im TOOOO KOOOL.. wtf is dat suppose to mean.. like.. hes all like.. too kool for a girlfriend.. im like.. dude.. i dont get it.. how can u be too kool... i asked merie earlier today..shes like.. maybe.. hes hella comfortable with you already.. n like.. hes a bestfriend.. im like.. welll we've been talkin for monthz.. n yea.. of course .. some day or another..hes gonna end up.. like hella use to me.. u knoe.. n how is being comfortable with me.. and me being too kool..not girlfriend material.. omg .. jus hella weird.. n i dont want another best friend.. or a play brother.. i have plenty of those.. .. i ono.. i mean.. i have so many close guy friends.. who are like brothers to me.. i dont need no more of dat...ah.. well yea..

Monday, January 21, 2002
omggggggg!!!!!.. worst weekend ever..... i mean.. it wasnt all dat bad.. cuz i had ....cas to talk to on the phone.. .. but newayz.. didnt get to go out. like i wanted toooo.. probz with emrl.. i hope they got my message..cuz.. yeah.. they needa read that shit in time.. cuz.. .uhuh.. ..newayz.. its about wats been goin on in my head about us .. n stuff.. so yeah.. .n cas.. i aint really trippin bout us talking talking.. rite now.. hes so called still thinkin.. i aint really trippin.wenever hes ready to tell me..its all g.... but yea.. ima try to be hella carefree from now yuuup....and yea.. thx to you elmo!!.. haha.. i have someone to talk to about .. everything.. ur kool!!.. feel special wen u read this.. heheheh lolz.. neways.. yeah... ... my momz.. gave me 75 dollars.. before the left to vegas yesterday..shes comin back in a week.. dude.. i was expecting 100.....ugggggghhh.... but yea..ima try to ask her for more money wen she comes back.....i need money cuz its gonna be my bday sooon..on the 31st!!!!!>...hehe i dont knoe.. ima ask for stuff or money..from my relatives n all dat.. so .. yea.. i want some new gear n kikz.. so .. yea.. heheh.. i knoe... im bein a savage.. but fuk.. i need money!!..newayz.. i knoe ..i knoe.. boring entry i guess.. o well... two fingahz.. payce..!!!

Friday, January 18, 2002
o yea.. the reason why today wasnt all dat great.... its E.M.R.L i guess.. i mean.. its like.. they leavin me out n shit.. dude.. i mean.. if they dont wanna chill wit me no more.. they all makin these planz n shit..n leavin me out.. im but yea watever.. i mean.. its been hellla long since i went thru this kinda drama with friends.. until these past few dayz.. with emrl.. this aint no good feeling.. i hate goin thru this kinda stuff.. its like.. i dont knoe.. undescribable.. some dayz.. everything is hella kool..and other days its not..and yea.. i dont knoe.. fucc.. i jus aint feelin it...... they never made me feel like this.. until today n .. them other dayz.. dat i wrote about in here... but yeaaaaaa.......

.....these past three dayz.. been pretty koo...but yea.. today.. it was aiiight.. not like yesterday.. i mean.. past three dayz.. things kinda went perfect.. cept today for some reason.. but newayz.. yea... ben finally smilez today.. yea.. n .. ummm.. yesterday.. ..met this guy.. he was sittin next to me.. n like.. i was jus talkin to rosa... (not emrl rhoza..this a mexican one) ..but newayz yea..he jus started talkin to me n stuff... he was being hella nice.. im like.. koool.... .. i seen him around tho.. thought he was cute.. nothin else.. but yea.. we were talkin n stuff.. but i never got his name.. forgot to ask.. but yea... i ono..watelse.. dude..i forgot.. my internet went out.. so yea.. never updated this recently.. hmmm.. well.. me and cas.. things are okay.. i dont knoe if were still talking talking.. but yea.. im not really gonna think about that.. hes comin back home today..... so yeah... i think todays the sds partie at the filipino plaza today.. i ono .. today or tomorrow.. i wanna go.. but i dont knoe.. merie n them never mentioned it no more.. .. so yea.. and morp is comin up.. deng.. i wanna go.. but.. i dont knoe.. no ride.. merie and rhoza got their dates stuffed in the car.. so me n lyndsey gotta get our own ride.. but yea.. .. today.. lin ..they guy lin.. was all like.. buy me a ticket.. im broke.. come on ill be ur date.. im like.. i dont knoe.. i would take him.. but its jus i needa find myself a ride first.. i mean.. i can ask anyone to be my date.... its not like the reason im not goin is because i cant find a date.. but.. its jus the RIDE..hella gay dude..

Sunday, January 13, 2002
okay.. saturday.. did yea.. hella gay. .but.. i jus ate and slept.. alll dayyy.. usually i go out all day every saturday.. i guess i dont knoe wat happened this sat.. i dont really care.. i wasnt really in the moood to go out.. im hella worn out from friday.. so yeah......but yea.. cas called me up.. n we talked.. like we normally do... no anger or watever towards one another.. we kinda jus dropped everything ..about the fite we had.. but yea.. atleast he still calls me up..even long distance.. which is pretty sweet.. but yea.. hes all like.. " wenever im mad.. like my whole day gone bad.. and once i talk to u.. i get hella happy " i mean.. dats good to hear.. its not the first time i've heard dat from someone.. so yea.. its not .. unbelievable.. but newayz.. yea.. i asked him .. about.. that conversation we had the other day.. u know..about if were still talking..and he said. hes still thinking... im like.. oook.. but.. yea i aint really tripppin.. but he jus gotta make his descision sooon..cuz if were not gonna be talking talking anymore.... den .. ill go with someone else to the morp.. cuz.. i gotta find one soon.. gotta go shoppin and stuff.. .. i thought i would be hella anxious wen it comes to the morp.. but.. once it gets to it.. i dont even really care anymore.. kinda got hella other things to think about now.. but yea.. dont know wat im sayin..this is all i got to say.. fer today..

Friday, January 11, 2002
today was koo.. cuz it was a friday and yeahhh... everything between me and kool now.. they understood me.. so yea.. im havin probz.. n they knoe.. wenever dat happens.. we end up kind distant for awhile.. so yeah.. kool.. me..rhoza.. lyndsey..was jus chillen at meries house all day today.. we did hella things.. talked out alot of things.. i told them everything dat was goin on..omg dat felt so good to get everything off my chest.. i mean. .yeah u knoe.. it was koo.. we all had hella htings to talk about and catch up with..but yea.. today was kooool......they got me.. to forgot about all that drama.. with cas for awhile.. i aint really trippin about dat anymore...but yea.. im jus online.. doin nuttin..jus chattin with sokha.. hes tellin me a bunch of stuff dat was goin on in his head.. from the past.. and so am i.. so yea.. kooo... u dont needa know wat its about.. so dont ask.. but yeah.. kool day.......i guess..